Heart VS Brain round 1

me and my friend was talkin about love and stability and would u give up love for just a functional relationship....no i think because even though i was hurt befor i know how good love can feel and nothing tops its and i wouldnt trade it in just for a "good" relationship i need love to give it and recieve it. im single right now and yeah i could be in a good fuctional relationship with this guy i know but i dont love him and yes im preety sure we would have the house with the picket fence a perfect family structure and a companion to do stuff with but i cant imagine me pushing a baby out because i have a fuctional relationship. i cant imagine me rubbin there back because it hurts like im oilin up a machine me wiping there tears just because they are crying i am a person filled with emotion and even though somethings are simple i feel like certain things have to originate from love......i still think its better to love and lost then not have loved at all even if when u losoe it it is one of the worse feelings in the world....i think and think and think all the time.... I find myself thinkin about this one guy alot but i dont get him all the way yet. Only problem i had with him is that he upset me one day by just being a ass. He was like yellin at me and he said i was hung up on my past but it wasnt the fact that he said that it was the fact that i felt as if he was down grading the things i been threw and i felt like the person that is going to be for me will except that i do have hurtfull things that happened in the past and that they will just want to love past them and if i was holdin on to some things they would care enough and just help me to let go and reassure me that it will be okay i have came sush a long way that i wouldnt dare let anyone take my growth away from me in that manor but i just didnt want to fight like that so i just let it go and im wondering if subconciously is that why he interest me because he not like the other zombit i love u girl ass dudes trying to get with me i like a challenge someone tell me no ALLITLE then i just conquer them but sometimes with him i dont know and i usually know my shit and be on top my game.....but other then that he just so yummy i like the rest of his attitude i like his smile his smell his touch taste just everything about him and he always just makes me want more of him he seems like he is focused in other areas in his life i know that he likes money but im still tryin to see what his long term goals will be he kind of does free lance work but anyway i could see us building together and he has some tattoos on him that i feel like are mine. i have tattoos and all of mine mean something certain ones i couldnt get in certain places for different reasons but for somereason when i seen them on him its like i just felt them. i dont want to say what they are because it would be like im puttin that person on blast and i need to see how things go first he to dam sneaky. I will ask him well where were u he answer in my skin im like oh okay and he seems to get ticked off by the smallest things shit reality may be he just might not be feelin me how im diggin him or i could be diggin into something to much we arent together as a official couple so i guess i dont have much say so so im tryin not to fall to hard until i know im going to be caught he is the first person after my x that made me get some feelin in my ass my friend had told me she thought i was becommin emotion less and its not that i just was not making the same mistakes i made befor and just chilling. then she said u like keepin people hanging around knowing u not going to be with them as if i like the attention...yeah lol maybe I do.. who doesnt like to be wanted and catered to and spoiled from time to time and shit noone wants to be lonely and sometimes u need just someone to talk to. i have a really close male friend that i just trust and i hope i always keep him as a friend yeah i use to deal with him and that gets alittle sticky ;) but for the most part that is a friendship that i like then i have people i just chill with go grab a bite to eat maybe some drinks and thats about it i kind of threw them in the like a girlfriend cattegory (even know they dont know that) then i have the couple of x boyfriends that i had. one of them got this always going to be mind mentality i guess it didnt help much that i was dealin with him after we broke up. one is like mad at me because i left him alone ....but what about why i left u ass hole ...so im like what ever then i have the should i have let him go dude . he is so for me but i dont know i just felt like something was missing and i ended up leavin him alone to be with my ass hole like a retart. i use to be lookin at my boyfriend like why the hell i keep going back to u and go threw this shit and i had a perfectly good man that i left for u then for what ever reason my madness would melt away like ice and this warm i love this guy feeling would just come over me and he loved me just as strong if not harder and then that question of why leaves my mind because i know y. sometimes i feel like we broke up over the dummest things and as much as i cared i just dont want to look back. i dont know what the future may bring but right now i can have a relationship with someone else and never think twice.......i think....2 b continued